Today I have woken up alone in a hotel room a few years ago this would have been reason to worry. However there is no drunken story to tell (thank goodness) I have in my sobriety recognised a need to get away so get away I have.
I am in my final few weeks of a counselling degree and the pressure is immense, I have four placements as part of my course where I offer counselling to individuals, I travel in excess of 250 miles a week just to do uni and placement, then I have children at home, a cocker spaniel and an ex husband. My world is a busy one, I wouldn’t change a thing but I recognised I was starting to struggle, my motivation upped and left, I lost confidence in my ability at uni and all round wanted to crawl under a rock. This went on for a few weeks and when I heard myself say I miss getting smashed I knew I needed to take action
I’m 2 and a half years sober so I wasn’t going to drink but the fact my brain was looking to escape was enough warning for me to grab the bull by the horns and take control.
I’ve cut back on my placement hours taking 2 of them to fortnightly placements which gives me an extra day off a week, I finally acknowledged that I need extra help at uni with my dissertation and final few pieces of work, so I’ve accessed that support, I’ve reached out to a few people saying I’m struggling which always helps and I booked a solo mini break.
I am currently on a coach trip to Durham and Holy Island, I have woken up today feeling rested and excited for the day ahead. Everyone at home is still alive and the house is still standing. It’s taken me over 20years to realise I need time alone to recharge, I realise this has most likely always been the case and my drinking to escape will be linked to this need. But physically escaping in a healthy way is more conducive to happiness than drinking ever was. When I look back I realise I judged myself harshly for this need for time alone preferring to berate myself rather than listen to my needs.
I will go home recharged and ready for the challenges heading my way over the next few weeks, my family will get a kinder happier me, my studies will get a focussed motivated me and my clients (who always get the best) will get a refreshed counsellor ready to support them.
We often deep down know what our needs are but rarely do we acknowledge them . It’s time to start listening to our needs, be kinder to ourselves and prioritise self care.
Have a beautiful self care Sunday
Till next time