Negative Nancy

As I sit picking the hair off the roller in the hoover, I realised I have hit a new low in the procrastination stakes!

Negative Nancy (Nn) is the mean girl that lives in my head, and she has been circling for a while now. She puts me off doing all sorts of things, and one of those is write this blog, she would have me believe that I have nothing of interest to write or, let other people do it becuse they are waaaaaaaaayyyyyy! Better than me.

However when I pledged at New Year to write this blog for a year I was doing it for me, not anyone else and certainly not for Nn

The blog

To get off the negative thread, I thought I would share some sober wins. I am a big believer in sharing our successes in sobriety as it keeps us motivated and promotes positivity.

It has been a busy few weeks that has seen me dust of my hairdressing scissors and get back in the salon, I purchased my first pair of walking boots and I discovered earthing.

The hairdressing uniform has changed quite a bit

An old friend and one time boss asked me if I would help out for a few weeks, when hair salons were allowed to open up again. I’m always willing to help but I had some mixed feelings about it.

The last time I worked in hairdressing I was known as the party girl and all conversations revolved around going out and what time we could get to the pub when work finished on a Saturday. I am comfortable enough in my sobriety to know I was not at risk from drinking but what would old clients think of the new improved me?

Well I had an absolute blast! And you would never believe it had been years since I had done any hairdressing, the main thing I noticed was my confidence, I was always a busy stylist but never truly believed I was any good, looking back now, I know that’s the alcohol anxiety talking. It was actually good to get back to it temporarily to put those ghosts to bed.

Walking boots

I’m not sure if this happens to any other sober warriors, I’m fairly sure it will.

Every so often I find myself doing something that old me would roll her eyes at and say what on earth would you do that for???

I smirked to myself knowing this when I pressed buy now on my first pair of walking boots. It is well known in sober circles just how good nature is for you and I have really been proactive the last few weeks about getting out there and soaking up nature.

Bank top, North Yorkshire

Most recently I have spent a lot of time in North Yorkshire, Gods own county as it is otherwise known šŸ˜

I have forced my old legs up, and down dale, all the while feeling proud of my little self for doing it. I have always known I need to be outdoors more, I was an outdoorsy child who was out in all weather’s. Which is just another thing alcohol robbed me of, a constant hangover meant no energy for doing anything as daft as walking on the weekend.

I visited the white horse at Kilburn

It looks better from above

And there are a ridiculous amount of steep stairs to climb to reach the top, these dumpy legs were really struggling with them. I got to the top, with a sense of achievement and one eye on an empty bench in the distance. I dragged my weary legs to the bench and just sat.

The view from the bench

I sat there, I was overcome with emotion, it gets to me sometimes, that sense of wonder at just how far I have come. I let the tears fall and relished the sense of pride, that somehow I had found my way out of the darkness and into the light. I am always grateful that I found the strength to give myself a second chance at living and sitting there on that bench was one of those moments where I felt that gratitude deeply. May those moments never disappear.

On to earthing

One of my favourite things to do when I go on these walks is to get my feet wet in the streams and rivers we come across. It is a physical urge I feel when see water, it always has been. After a bit of googling I discover the notion of earthing. Physically connecting back to mother earth, she neutralises free radicals and other bad energy we pick up and makes us feel better.

This is another moment old me is rolling her eyes šŸ˜†

But I truly get it! And I love it! I remember early in my sober journey I pretty much sat in a bath for the first month as it was the only thing that made me feel half human, as a child I always wanted to be in water, I was forever in trouble for taking my shoes and socks off where ever we went and getting my feet on the damp ground. I feel it now when I’m near a body of water, that itch to touch it, that urge to feel it against my skin.

My feet

People may mock (old me certainly is) but this simple technique really seems to help me, so long may it continue. Admittedly in December I might not be so keen.

Earthing and eating ice-cream

I think we are about caught up. I hope summer is being kind to you

Till next time

Vicki xx

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