A little exercise

I have decided to get my 41 year old ass in to shape and add exercise to my routine. Many, many moons ago I was a happy outdoorsy kid who never stopped moving. I did really well a sports and could turn my hand to most disciplines.

Swimming is a fave but not easy to access, where I live.
One of my favourite memories is swimming here in Barcelona’s Olympic diving pool.

Fast forward a few years and into secondary school, I began to get bullied and as my confidence took knock after knock so did my interest in most things.

School became about survival, and towards the end of my school career I just avoided it as much as possible. I would find any excuse to get out of lessons and that included P.E. The trouble with P.E was, they could get at me more, running round a field or a pitch I would be knocked over, kicked or walloped with whatever bat/ball/ stick we were playing with, and that’s not to mention the taunts in the changing rooms.

The lengths I went to, to avoid the bullies is unbelievable when I look back, and really quite sad. Maybe one day I’ll share those but for now looking back at terrified teenage me is just too painful. My over riding memory of my time at school is just bone crushing fear, I’d skive and get caught, then be in loads of trouble but even that was better than facing the torture of being bullied every day.

It’s taken me a long time to stop allowing those bullies to affect me and I suspect part of that pain was tied up in my drinking, alongside many other things. While I’ve been looking after myself much more in the last 2 and a half yrs, I haven’t really stuck at exercise. Maybe there is some block because of the bullies, maybe this is my last bit of self sabotaging behaviour or another way to not be kind to myself.

Whatever it is it stops here, I am committed to including 30 mins of exercise a minimum of 3x a week.

It won’t be pretty at times, I’ve just done my 3rd work out of the week and these old bones do not know what’s hit them, but I do feel better once I’ve done something.

I won’t be blogging about how I work my way down to a size 6, and be pictured in super tight sports wear at every opportunity. When I do include exercise in my blog, it will be about a middle aged woman just trying to shake off those taunts, from all those years ago, and hopefully end up feeling a little happier in her own skin

Looking rough but 3x 30 mins this week, DONE!

Till next time

Vicki xx

Now I’m an inventor!

Affirmation balloons

Last night I invented affirmation/happiness balloons (its a working title 😉), while I am sure I’m not the only person to come up with this idea. I’ve never seen them before and thought they were a lovely way to spread some kindness

My middle daughter turns 16 today and I wanted to do something a little bit different but a little bit special 🎈

Enter…. affirmation/happiness balloons. I inflated 16 balloons and wrote single words I felt related to her, or small sentences hoping to inspire confidence and adventure.

Kindness

There isn’t enough kindness in this world and key to my sobriety has been, being kind to myself. Once you allow kindness in it multiplies and we get to share it out. But often when we’re locked in a cycle of endless hangovers and wine o’clock it’s easy to forget how to be kind to ourselves. Or worse we feel alcohol is a kindness or a treat 🙄 but take it from someone who knows, anything that alters your mind and makes you feel rough, ain’t good for you.

I don’t get hangovers me!

Fibber! I said this exact sentence, many, many times over. What I didn’t realise was I was just constantly hungover, only when I removed alcohol from my life, did I discover it was possible to feel happy in the mornings, that going to bed early is a pleasure. I have more energy than ever and I actually have brain space to do and share nice things (see above invention).

Anxiety

The biggest kindness I gave myself was sobriety, as an extra bonus my mental health improved a thousand fold. Gone is the constant anxiety, worrying, second guessing, the sick churning feeling has gone! It hasn’t gone away totally, we’re supposed to have a little anxiety. I am anxious about sharing my story with you guys and I’m currently very anxious about a trip I’m going on next week, but I know it’s a mix of nerves, excitement and I will not let the fear stop me from going or sharing my story

Be kind to yourself

I hope my daughter liked her little words of kindness this morning (she’s 16 it’s difficult to tell 🤣) I’m taking some time out of my day to be kind to myself and going out for lunch, before the family gets together for a visit to Pizza Express tonight. With the added bonus of the epic alcohol free selection they do there.

Kindness is catching

Remember be kind to yourself today, you deserve it even if you just treat yourself to a balloon and write something lovely on the ribbon

Till next time (in NYC 😍)

Vicki xx