Soberversary time!

The 2nd of September 2020 marks my 3rd year alcohol free!

Three years alcohol free
The start of my sober journey

Celebrations

This year I will be celebrating with a trip to the dentist! Not what you might consider a traditional sober celebration but it actually marks some growth in my sobriety. I have needed for some time to face up to the fact I need some serious dental work doing, being afraid of dentists and not having much faith in my usual dentist, this is not an easy thing for me to do. So I have finally taken the bull by the horns so to speak, and seen a decent dentist and am starting the process.

And that my sober friends is growth!

Not all my soberversaries have been quite so mundane, for my 100 day soberversary I cried like a baby and treated myself to a necklace which I wear almost daily.

My 1 year soberversary was marked with a spa day, afternoon tea and more tears

My 2 year soberversary was celebrated on a boat floating round the Turkish coast, with 2 of my daughters. My kids did me a picture with a little note saying congratulations mum, we are proud of you,,,,,,,,more tears (I’m sensing a theme here)

I’m not planning on any tears tomorrow but with a visit to the dentist there is a high probability.

What I have learnt in sobriety

1/ Not everyday is a good day, but it sure as shit beats being locked in a destructive drinking cycle.

2/ You don’t realise how much hangovers impact you until you stop having them.

3/ There are thousands of people struggling with problem drinking, you are definitely not alone.

4/ People who get sober are amongst the nicest I’ve ever come across, because we understand the struggle.

5/ If you want something you have to make it happen! I spent years watching other people live their lives, pissed off that I had been dealt a poor hand, when in reality I was the only person holding me back.

6/Sobriety is opportunity, it is often spoken in sober circles that sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised and it’s true! I get to live my life now on my terms.

7/ Being sober isn’t always easy especially in the beginning but, it really is worth it, I regretted drinking every morning, yet every night I jumped back on that hamster wheel, I have never, not once, regretted sobriety.

8/ Sobriety offends some people, this hurt a lot when I first experienced it, but after talking it through with my sober buddies, I realised their reaction to me not drinking, said way more about them, than it ever did me.

9/ Sobriety really is up to us, imagine your drinking is a high speed train, constantly gathering momentum, you can see these speeds are dangerous and its going to end in disaster. You can choose when you disembark from that train, at any point you can press the emergency stop, and say enough is enough. But it is up to you where you draw the line, there doesn’t have to be a rock bottom.

10/ Underneath all the drinking there is a version of you who has been waiting to show you what life can be like.

It has been an amazing journey so far and long my it continue. It hasn’t always been easy and my biggest piece of advice is don’t do it alone, connect with fellow sober warriors, attend AA, get a counsellor, a sober facilitator, or rehab. Keep trying, find out which approach suits you and remember sobriety is always worth it 💜

Till next time

Vicki xx

Let’s have a little compassion

I don’t believe there is enough compassion in the world, I don’t know where it went but there is a definite shortage.

I feel blessed to be part of the sober community where there is compassion and empathy in bucket loads. Until I had counselling almost a decade ago I hadn’t known how powerful compassion and empathy could be.

What makes me really sad is the complete lack of compassion we have for ourselves. Self compassion is becoming a bit of a buzz word like self care, but often it is only surface.

True self compassion is being aware of how we speak to ourselves and being kind when we speak to ourselves.

As humans we make mistakes and things go wrong about as often as they go right. Often an individuals reaction is to chastise ourselves, we will call ourselves derogatory names and sneer at our suffering. There is a self righteous little critic inside our heads is always waiting to jump on the self reproach band wagon

Would you speak to a loved one like that? Would you intentionally increase someones pain and discomfort by calling them names ?

Self compassion

However if we do the opposite of what that self righteous little critic says, we are practising self compassion.

There is a compassion cloud inside all of us, I know this because we often show compassion to others. Our little compassion cloud can be used to be kind to ourselves.

Self compassion is when we recognise we are supposed to be imperfect and make mistakes, self compassion is accepting our mistakes with sympathy and kindness. Self compassion is acknowledging sometimes, suffering and inadequacy is part of being human and that it really is ok to get it wrong.

The more we practice self compassion the bigger it grows, and the smaller that reactive arse, the self critic gets.

Lets make compassion cool again and lets start with ourselves.

Till next time

Vicki xx